Member-only story
I’ll Never Miss You As Much As I’ve Missed Me
The truth is that there are times I miss you. That there are times when that song comes on I go right back to riding shotgun on our road trips. I see you singing to make me laugh and it stings a little to know that we’ll never do that again.
But what I don’t miss is the fact that on most of those road trips, they’d start with you being pissed off. Either you were mad at me, work or something else only God knows what. Then, we’d sit in silence, not talking for hours while you stewed over whatever it was that made you angry. And if I tried to even ask what was up, oh boy was that the wrong thing to do.
There are moments when I’m in bed, that I miss listening to you breathe beside me. I miss being about to reach out and touch you because there were moments where you didn’t feel real. Like that time you surprised me and showed up to that really important thing. I remember looking at you and thinking how lucky I was.
But I don’t miss sitting in the bathroom on my birthday crying. Crying because you didn’t show up. I don’t miss realizing that you did show up that one time to that really important but you missed multiple other things. Because if we go back through it, it’s pretty obvious that I showed up every damn time and you only did once in a while.
