I’m Scared My Mental Illness Makes Me Hard To Love

Photo by Anthony Tran on Unsplash

I’m scared my mental illness makes me unlovable. It’s a statement I hate writing and a sentence I hate thinking about. But it’s how I feel. I feel like as my depression and anxiety become more chronic issues, my thoughts about falling in love and the chances of it happening to me start to slim. While this is a small part of me, I can’t help but feel as though there is a giant neon sign following me.

The truth is when I tell the people I’m dating it usually starts out OK. They seem to understand and accept this is a part of me, but it isn’t all me. But the further we get down the path of being together and the more they realize how much it actually affects my everyday life, that is when I see them start to look for the exit.

I’ve had exes tell me they can’t make me feel better because I’m letting these “issues” consume me. I’ve had exes tell me they don’t feel as though they can tell me the truth about things because they’re worried it’ll send me into a tailspin. I’ve had exes try to tell me how to manage my illnesses even though they’ve never experienced it themselves.

I don’t need someone to tell me what to do or how to do it when it comes to depression or anxiety. All I want, all I truly want, is someone just to love me through it. That’s the part that is sometimes lost on potential partners. I don’t need…