It’s easy to stand in front of someone and tell them they’re loving the wrong person. After all, you’re the one logically looking from the outside. You can see the way that your friend’s partner isn’t giving them what they need. You listen to their stories when they’re upset. You are the logic while they’re just swimming in emotion.
While I’m not denying that any of this is true there is one thing that we often forget.
We’re allowed to love anyone we so choose.
Too long have we been told that we can only love someone of opposite gender. We can only love someone who is the ying to our yang and brings out the best in us. We’ve been told to avoid anyone with the slight bit of damage. We’ve also learned that if there’s one thing we need to do is avoid telling our friends our love’s faults for fear of judgment.
It took me until one of my friends mentioned that the person I used to be in love with changed me in ways they didn’t like. I understood this was coming from a place of love but really it just pissed me off. It was my ex. It wasn’t anything that mattered anymore. And let’s all be really honest with each other, we all change when we fall in love. Sometimes for the better but sometimes for the absolute worst.
Guess what? It doesn’t matter. It’s no one’s choice who you love or how you love. You want to change who you are as a person, go ahead. The thing is that this is your life. Your friends and family can’t define love for you and they certainly can’t tell you if you’re not in love. Your relationship is subjective to you.
I don’t think anyone should change for love. I don’t think anyone should be anything but their authentic self. But that doesn’t mean that sometimes we’re wrong for changing when we fall in love. Sometimes you’re changing in the perception of your friends but really you feel free and confident to be who are you are because of your partner.
Love is a funny thing. It takes everything that was once neat and in a straight line and messes it up completely. It’s the way it works. Maybe that’s even the reason you let yourself get consumed by the chaos of love because you’re ready to be consumed by someone else’s hurricane.
To be clear, I don’t mean let yourself be controlled and changed by someone who’s trying to hurt you. That isn’t love. Anyone who loves you won’t ask you to change, but if you do, they still love you anyways.
Just remember that the love you give and receive is your love alone. Don’t let anyone tell you who you can or can’t love. Don’t let someone make you feel bad about who you love. Just love. The world needs more people who just love each other.