We used to talk about life. We’d spend hours going back and forth about how things should look and how we would achieve them — together. Except there’s no way for me to know it was the last night. It was our last night as us.
No one could predict that we would be screaming at each other in the morning, and you’re packing your stuff while I tell you all the things I still regret years later. You said you weren’t coming back, but I didn’t believe you. I do now.
We used to be the people who’d sit in the back of your truck, watching the stars while we drank craft beers because you hated the mainstream ones. You were always looking for originality in a world so filled with unoriginality. Maybe that’s why you were so attracted to me at the beginning. It was easy to fall in love with the girl who was always looking for the next big story. It wasn’t easy falling for the girl who was never home.
I can’t remember everything about those moments before you left, but I do remember you wishing we had never met. It was you telling me all of the things I ruined — it was me telling you I didn’t need to ruin things for you; you were good enough at that yourself.
The truth is that there is no one since you that I’ve felt the same about. No one is you. No one calls me on the things like you. No one is as good as a confidant. The truth is always hard to hear, but it wasn’t hard for you to vocalize, which made me pause. It made me become the better version of myself that I am today. And I like to think I also had a hand in who you are.
We both have our versions of the truth, but I hope you find the good in our goodbye instead of just the pain. When you think back, I hope you think of the good memories, not only the bad — because I do.
When it was three days later, and you weren’t back, I finally texted you to tell you how blindsided I was. That the pain of losing you is excruciating. Except you told me that it wasn’t being blindsided — I was just blind. I guess I still cause as I sit here, I miss you and how things were. I always will.